Harm
by Ziva Islesxx
Summary: Ziva is having a hard time dealing with life in general. Tony needs to find a way to help her before its too late
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The team were at a yet another crime scene doing yet the same things as always. Following the same procedure, the team reported back to Gibbs. Ziva didn't quite seem herself…

They wrapped up the crime scene and went back to NCIS. Tony looked suspiciously as Ziva went to the toilet. He was in his own little world when suddenly he got a slap on the back of the head from Gibbs.

"What you got, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked.

Tony stuttered, and then said, "He was killed by a sniper."

"I know anything else?"

"No, boss, sorry."

"Never say you're sorry, sign of weakness!"

Tony nodded. He then hovered around the door of the girls' toilet. He heard crying, and then decided to go in.

"Ziva?" He said, "Is that you?"

"Go away Tony!" She said sniffling.

Weighing up his options, he decided to open the stall door and could not believe what he saw. Ziva hid her arm, but Tony still saw the knife.

"What's going on?" Tony asked.

"I told you to go away!"

"Why do you have a knife?"

"Rule Number Nine."

Tony noticed she was hiding her arm and without hesitation, he pulled it out. There were scars from her wrist to her elbow, blood pouring down her arm.

"Ziva? Why are you doing this?"

"Helps me cope."

"With?"

"None of your business!"

After that, she stormed out of the cubicle, got a paper towel to wipe her arm and went back to the bull pen. Tony walked out, remembering where he was and stood outside the vending machine.

_Oh Ziva, _he thought, _What can I do to stop your pain?_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Tony returned to the bullpen and sat at his desk, staring at Ziva. She blanked him completely until it was time to go. He stopped her as she was about to get into the elevator.

"What Tony?!"

"Look, I just want to know why?"

"Why what?"

"Why you are….self-harming."

"It helps me cope, I told you that."

"With what?"

"Um, I don't know, LIFE!"

"What's so bad with life?"

"You don't get it."

"Don't get what? Life?"

"You don't understand my life. I go home and I have no family to talk to. I would kill to talk to Tali again and, Ari."

"Ari? Why?"

"He…he was my half-brother."

"And you killed him? For Gibbs?"

"And my father." Ziva started to whimper, which turned into crying. "I can't go on Tony."

"They would want you too, Ziva."

Tony saw how upset Ziva was and he couldn't cope. He gave her a warm, loving hug which seemed to last a lifetime under the skylight. All you could see above were the stars.

"Thanks," Ziva finally said when she let him go.

"It's ok."

But it wasn't ok. When Ziva got home, she went to the medicine cabinet in her bathroom. She took out some pain killers, and decided that her time had come. She poured out 12 of the capsules and was about to swallow them when Tony burst through the door.

He stared at her in disbelief. "What the hell are you doing Ziva?!"

She couldn't speak, nothing would come out. Tony snatched the pills out of her hand and put them in the bin.

"What are _you _doing?" Ziva said.

"Trying to save your life! You could have killed yourself!"

Ziva just looked at him.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm staying the night."


	3. Chapter 3

**~Hey guys, just a heads up before you read or comment, in this chapter there is a flash back to Ziva's past. It should be in Hebrew, but so you can read it, I have written it in English. It is also from Ziva's point of view because it's her flashback. Anyway, enjoy! ~ **

Chapter 3

"You do not have to stay," Ziva said as Tony rolled out a green blanket on the brown leather sofa. He shot her a look as if to say 'are you joking?!'

"I'm staying Ziva. How long have you been doing this?!"

"Pills? Since my father passed. Wrists, I started when I was 13."

"You could have come to me at any point Ziva, you knew that right?"

"I didn't want to look weak."

"Ziva David! You are NOT weak, don't ever let me hear you say that again, no, don't even THINK it again, ok? You are the strongest person I know!"

"It would seem that way…"

"Why did you start?"

"Bullies….family…."

"Wait, bullies?!" Ziva nodded. "What had happened Ziva? Tell me."

"It started when I was 12…"

_FLASHBACK_

_I walked in to school only to find the mocking voices of my fellow classmates making fun of me once again. They call out my name just to get my attention, and then they will start. They can always find something can't they?! My looks, my brains, my personality!_

"_Ziva," One of the voices called. I ignored them only to hear them mock me all the same. "Someone is angry!" is what he said as I walked away._

_The popular people were the worst. The guys would annoy me and everyone else would join in, and no one dared to stand up to the popular girls!_

_That's when I bumped in to one of the girls. _

"_Watch were you are going ugly!" they would say._

_Usually I would ignore them unless I was having a bad day. One day I remember being called to the principal's office for beating up one of them._

_Flashback Over_

"Ziva…"

Ziva began to sob, "They never understood how much it hurt…" A tear ran down Ziva's cheek as she finally told someone about her past. It was hard for her.

"Why are you still doing this?"

"It helped me cope at the time; it helps me cope with everything. I'm not as strong as you thing Tony."

"No, you're not as strong as I thought. You are 10 times stronger! Don't let anyone put you down!" Tony hugged Ziva as she let all her emotions out in a river of tears raining on to the only man who could understand her, Tony. He held his partner in his arms for as long as she needed. He felt even though he wasn't the broken one, he could tell her anything! He now knew that for sure.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Just as Ziva let go, Tony got a call from Gibbs.

"Yeah Boss," he said when he answered the phone.

"Need you and Ziva down here. Dead marine, Quantico."

"I'll be as fast as I can."

The phone rang dead as Tony hung up. They got in the car, Tony driving just to be on the safe side. They reached Quantico, and started to take sketches. Once they were done there, they went back to Ziva's apartment

"Ok let's get to bed," Tony said as he yawned.

"Night Tony," Ziva yelled. Tony was already fast asleep. Ziva wasn't going to go to bed now, she had another plan.

_Tony may have stopped me earlier, but I have to do something now. _She thought. _I can't live with the pain, I can't live with the guilt, and I can't live with the sacrifice. I need to be with my father, Tali and Ari, in a place I won't be judged._

Ziva closed her bedroom door very quietly and then opened the wooden cabinet next to her bed. She opened the second drawer and took out her weapon. She pointed the butt of the gun to her head, but decided to change to stomach.

_I do not deserve a straight shot to the head. I deserve a more painful way to die, only for a minute, and then Ziva David will be no more on this earth…_

Tony was woken up by a load, ear-splitting gunshot. He jumped up out of the couch and ran through to Ziva's room.

There Ziva was, lying on the floor, blood pouring out of her like a river. Tony got some towels from the kitchen and put pressure on the wound.

"Ziva, stay with me," he said in desperate plead to keep her alive.

"No Tony, I am ready to die," her voice said as she took deep breaths in and out.

"Ziva, Don't. Do not die!" As he said this, he called an ambulance.

"Tony," Ziva's weak voice said.

"Yes Ziva?" he asked.

"I always loved you."

Just then the paramedics burst through the door and got Ziva into the ambulance. Would they be able to save her?

They left the ambulance, Tony followed behind. But not strong, goofy Tony. For the first time in his adult life, he shed a tear. _Ziva stay strong _he pleaded, _stay strong…_

He got into his car and drove as fast as he could to the hospital. Tires screeching, he made it just in time.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next morning Tony paced outside the room that Ziva was being kept in until finally a doctor came out to talk to him.

"How is she?" Tony asked without even giving the man time to breathe.

"She is coping for just now," the doctor said grimly as if he had some worse news.

"What do you mean doc?" Tony questioned.

"She had a lucky escape, Agent DiNozzo. We are going to keep her in our psychiatric unit."

"For how long?"

"Who knows? Until she's better I guess Sir."

"No, she can't stay in the nut house!"

"There is no other option sir."

"Yes there is, send her home!"

"I'm afraid we cannot Sir."

"Why?"

"We need to monitor her behaviour."

"Can I at least see her?"

The Doctor moved away from the door of the room. The bright white walls glistened in the sunlight and the floor looked so clean, you could eat off of it! Ziva lay in her hospital bed. She noticed Tony and waved him over excitedly, but stopped in the process as her wound was still aching.

"How are you feeling?" Tony asked.

"Ok," was Ziva's only reply. She got out her knife and tried to mark her wrists, but Tony snatched it off of her.

"They are going to keep you in for longer if you keep doing this Ziva." Ziva rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that attitude," Tony exclaimed, "don't ever pull a scam like that again."

"It's hard, it's my coping mechanism. If you are going to criticise me, then leave!"

Tony got up and started to walk out when Ziva yelled after him. "Tony, it was true."

This made Tony stop and turn. "What was?" he asked puzzled.

"What I said before they took me away."

Tony cast his mind back to the night before. He remembered Ziva saying that she loved him.

"You feel that way?" He asked.

"Yes, do you?"

Tony paused. "Yes," he finally said, "But before we can get together, we need to get out of this nuthouse!"

"You have a plan?"

"The same way we got out Saleem's camp. You know, minus the shooting."

"I do not know if I can walk Tony."

"Try! I'm here for you Ziva!"

Ziva pushed herself out of bed with great pain and discomfort. She held back her scream with great difficulty. Eventually, she got up and with Tony's help; she began to walk out triumphantly.

They got out with no problem as they took a different route and went out the back. They called the hospital and made up an excuse to say that she had been moved. They bought it!

They got back to Ziva's house and got her sat down.

"Are you ok?" Tony asked.

"A bit sore, but I will be fine."

"Promise me one thing; you won't ever do this again."

"On one condition."

"What?"

"Kiss me first."

Tony pulled her close and they kissed with such passion and emotion.

"I promise, I'll stop," Ziva said after they let go, "I have something to live for."

"What?" Tony asked.

"You..."


End file.
